Keeping it Real

I’m not perfect–and neither are you. Don’t you love finding out things about other people that make them seem more “real” to you? Hopefully you do NOT have this impression of me: that I am always smiling and happy, cutely dressed, extremely organized, have a perfect house, kids that are always sweet and well-behaved, never yell at my children, am a super wife, and serve a nutritious, scrumptious meal every night. I know sometimes, especially reading blogs where you’ve never actually met the author, you can get the impression that they have it all together. Well, here’s some news for you folks (just in case you didn’t know it already)–no one really has it all together. Especially not me. Just for fun (ha ha) I thought I’d list a few things or facts about me that I can think of just in the past week that could easily dispel any of these impressions:

1. I love throwing on sweatpants in the morning. They are oh so comfy, and if I know I’ll be home, that’s where they live the rest of the day.

2. One day last week, my little guys had the couch cushions off to build a fort. When putting them back on, I noticed a piece of unwrapped candy cane (amongst lots of other debris) lodged in the crack. I dusted it off and ate it. Hey, at least it was from this past Christmas. The sad part is a couple days later we had the same cushion scenario with our loveseat. My son Andrew, who’s 8, found another piece from a different candy cane (I can’t testify to what Christmas it came from), dusted it off, and ate it.

3. Though I love my Shark steam mop, I love the fact that my kitchen floor hides icky areas quite well. For the last week, I’ve been meaning to steam mop my hard floors and have been putting it off. At the moment there’s a couple spots where your feet actually stick to the floor as you walk.

4. By evening, my kids usually no longer have names. I just usually call them “you people.” For example, “You people are getting on my nerves and better stop it right now, or someone’s getting a beating!”

5. I said #4 one day last week when they all had off school, and then fulfilled my promise to deliver a beating (Excuse me, a spanking) to several of said people.

6. Yet another day last week, Andrew (my fellow dusty candy cane eater) was discussing a piece of Burger King cheeseburger that had been in his cupholder at the back of our van for ??. I said “give it to me,” threw it to our dog, and he said “hey, I was doing a science experiment with that!” Then he and his brother talked about the “fungus garden” experiment they tried to conduct last summer in the same cupholder that I also “ruined.”

7. Foods I served to my kids in the course of one day: Apple Jacks and Pop-Tarts for breakfast, Spaghetti-O’s with cheese curls for lunch, and Tater Tots for supper. My husband was away and they thought this was glorious.

8. One of the kids came up from playing in the basement one afternoon to report that another child was downstairs crying. “Are they bleeding?” I asked.

“Um… no.”

“Well, they’re fine then.”

9. I can be a little sarcastic, especially when I’m grumpy or irritated. My poor husband can testify to this! He was away for 8 days on a rebuilding/missions trip. Though I did miss him, I think he got a dose of this by his second day home.

10. I actually pretended that I had to go do something “important” so I didn’t have to play another round of a kids board game.

Oh, I could go on and on with others. So you see, I’m just a normal person. Lots of imperfections, quirks, weaknesses, and more not-so-pretty stuff. So, if you’ve read this you (a) have had any respect for me lowered (b) like me even better (c) are praying I never invite you over for dinner or offer to babysit your children, or(d) are thinking, “thank God I’m normal.”

6 thoughts on “Keeping it Real

  1. Thank you for your honesty!! It’s good to know, there are others out there!! Usually, my #4 is, “I’m done!” No names, just, “I’m done, and my Mommy Sign is turned off!!”

  2. Yeah – finally someone who is telling the truth! I think if more of us were this honest, we would all feel so much better and stop having nervous breakdowns trying to be the “perfect” mother, wife, daughter, sister, etc.

  3. Are you a Bill Cosby fan? I immediately thought of him when I read your #4. ROFL Can I be an honorary member of the Sarcasm Society? My kids, now adults, have inherited that trait. Maybe absorbed would be a better word than inherited. I could SO relate to your whole post, thanks for the chuckles on a night this achey momma needed them. (I have an email address of acheymomma because I ache so much.)
    Janet

    1. Yes, I am a Bill Cosby fan. We have a DVD of one of his old stand-up performances and I about died laughing the first time I watched it–especially when he talks about someone needing a “beating.” So, so funny. I’m glad you could relate and don’t think I’m awful!

  4. I love the “is there blood” question – except the one time when one of my daughter’s friends fell against a table and the answer was “yes, a LOT” –

    I often tell my kids I’m going to beat them – and used to get LOTS of lovely looks from strangers….not so much any more, since they’re now well adjusted 16 and 18 year olds. I still tell them I’ll beat them, it’s just nobody cares. Although my son is 6’5″ and my daughter is 5’10” – maybe the (strangers) just don’t believe me?

    Hahah.

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